An Unpunctuated Short Story Part II

Yesterday I saw you

I thought you might be there but it wasn’t my plan to run into you as I was going to a different place for a different class but I got a glimpse of you 20 feet away around the staircase peeking out the corner of the doorway waving to our friend I saw you but I looked away I’m not sure you saw me at that time and I was glad because I wasn’t ready to talk to you not after what I did and not after you had noticed

The class went on then and then it had a break and so we me and our friend we went outside and ate a fajita and I saw the campus a bit and then we were going to go back to the classroom I was so tired and I didn’t want to stay but I was hoping that maybe I could see you again just for 5 or 10 seconds it would have made my day I hadn’t seen you in a month not since the night well the last night I saw you 28 must not be my lucky number or maybe it is I wasn’t counting but it had been exactly 4 weeks I just noticed this right now

And then we walked back to the classroom but the professor wasn’t back yet and the door was locked so we kept walking around a bit and our friend wanted to go around the corner I’m pretty sure thinking back on it he knew where you were and he wanted me to see you but I didn’t realize at the time I thought I was just walking around a bit more and then when we turned around there you were in all your glory at the corner of the outdoor staircase above us smoking a cigarette like you always are and the sun shined down on you like it hadn’t ever escaped the clouds before and he our friend called up to you and you looked down and waved to him and saw me and your eyes got so bright or maybe I just thought they were because I was enamored still and probably still am and probably still will be for a while but regardless I know you were excited in part because held up your finger you wanted me to wait you didn’t want me to go anywhere and you ran or walked quickly anyways down the staircase and around the corner because you wanted to see me and I looked down you know I tried to “play it cool” and look like I had better things to do on my primary cell phone although I hate my phone it’s the bane of my existence and messes up everything in my life consequentially in such a way that there is no way for me to go about fixing it or at least tweaking things in any sort of more positive less detrimental direction but I couldn’t resist for too long because you are so beautiful to me and I looked up and you were a mere second away and you didn’t even hesitate you didn’t kiss me on the cheek or maybe you did I don’t remember but I do remember you looked down on me you’re so tall and you gave me the biggest hug I have gotten in so long I wish I had reciprocated I’m sure it’s the last time I’ll ever see you but I didn’t I was too timid and shy and hurt and I just gave you a weak half-hearted embrace and you started talking and asked how I’d been and what I was doing on your campus and I told you that I was sitting in on the classes so I could see if I wanted to take classes there next semester which is partially true but I’m sure we both know at this point there was another more pressing and exciting reason why I’d come and you looked at me with your eyes that I love they remind me of mine although they’re not uncannily similar but they’re so dark and so deep to me although I can’t see through them very far not nearly to your soul you’re the only person I’ve never been able to figure out and I’m still and I’ll probably always be confused as to why I’ve never let myself down this way before

And then the time came a few short moments later where I had to go back to the class but as I walked away from you defeated and in a state of foggy melancholy as I thought it was the last time I realized I couldn’t bring myself to I didn’t want to go not just yet I had to maneuver my way back to you one last final time so I made up an excuse which was the truth realistically I just didn’t follow through of having other work to do and I needed to go home and so I hugged him our friend bye and he blew me kisses and I returned them but not in the same way he meant them I don’t feel that way towards him just someone else I think we both know who and I was walking out although I wasn’t entirely sure where I was or how to get off the campus or how to get home so naturally I pulled out my second cell phone the crappy one but you said I looked like a businesswoman so maybe I’ll never look at it the same again although I don’t really want to be a businesswoman I know you meant it as a compliment but either way I knew and still know I’ll never forget your phone number since you told it to me 6 times the second night I saw you the night I really thought I knew I guess I was wrong but so and I started to call you because I was going to ask you to pretty please help me figure out what I was doing but right as it started ringing I heard a shout that sounded remarkably like my name and so as I looked up I fell down I tripped over the half-built or half-decayed cement stair that was sort of in the direction I thought was the exit and what I saw was you laughing sweetly at my clumsiness you didn’t know I was calling you and I immediately hung up and you asked me where I was going and what I was doing and I started shouting up to you but not so much shouting as talking with a partially raised inflection because you had gone back to the corner of the staircase but I couldn’t shout very far and you couldn’t hear me well and my Spanish was horrible in those moments because for some ridiculous reason I had grown extremely nervous around you I don’t know why I usually speak better than normal around you and I know this because you mentioned to me the third night in front of everyone else how well I speak and I won’t forget but mostly it’s because we were talking together not because of the compliment and so you half waved me up to come talk to you and I halfway had already decided I wasn’t done seeing you you pulled me in you pull me in but I have to stop this now I can’t be suctioned by you anymore not after what I did and so I made my way up the staircase slowly slowly I didn’t want to trip or hurry too much as my heart was beating I was sure you would be able to hear it pounding through my chest and I desperately needed it to slow down or cease completely as I now halfheartedly wish only with the part that’s working I suppose but it had to patter down before I had a murmur or other kind of coronary conniption and I finally got up to you and we talked and we talked also with your advisor and you asked me again what I was doing and where I was going and I tried to explain that I didn’t know which now thinking back is so metaphorical and poetic about my life because it’s so relevant and true I don’t know what I am doing and I don’t know where I am going but I just said I was so tired and wanted to go home and you two had started explaining to me how to get home and I understood you perfectly and I’m positive I could have figured it out but I just ignored it and we kept talking about other things like plans and the future and things I don’t remember very well and that you were working soon in some minutes or moments and you had to go too and I realized I was pretty sure you had a car and so I asked you if you were in your car and you said yes and I looked up at you from where I was leaning on my arm as I was halfway bent over in your general direction from leaning myself on the stairwell I didn’t have the energy to hold myself up completely especially as my heart was starting to fail me and then I asked you if you wouldn’t mind dropping me off somewhere more north I didn’t care where wherever was more convenient for you and you said yes and you said let’s go but it was more of a question and I agreed so excitedly because I knew for a few brief moments I would get to be with you alone just you and me which is all I had wanted for two months just hoping that one day I would stand out enough to you to ask me out but you never did and I was trying to get over it but this was my chance to at least spend 10 minutes with you and we didn’t have to talk about that stuff anyways it wasn’t the appropriate setting and I wasn’t ready to anyways because I was enjoying all of our smiling and laughing

And so we starting walking towards your car and you were bashful about your campus although I liked it it was disorganized but there were trees and then you told me that you didn’t think I should take all of my classes on your campus next semester pointedly because you would be on mine and then in that moment I decided that I would continue on my own campus you would be there anyways and you would be studying in a field similar to mine so we were bound to run into each other and even though I already messed everything up I’m still excited for that to happen maybe and then we had the car ride your car it was old and I liked it probably because it was reminiscent of how I have been feeling generally overall recently your mirror was missing so you couldn’t look back and the windows you had to crank with the arm lever and it reminded me of how I always thought my life would go anyways and we were in the car and I couldn’t have been more excited although I was repressing it so strongly I couldn’t let myself be pulled back in by you again again again but we had so much fun or I know I did at least anyways because I was so enjoying being around you and we get along so well which only added to my confusion but that will never be explained to me and I guess I will have to learn to accept that but we talked about lots of things like school and work and your family and what you missed about my city and sandwiches and gas stations and other varieties of food and studying and future things and you told me I was blonde and brunette and I could be both and I was as smart as both and you said other things I don’t know why I think you’re as wonderful as I do I must be wrong I have to be because nothing went right not in the way I wanted it to but we were having such a splendid time I was so peaceful and tranquil and smiling and you asked me where to drop me and I said anywhere wherever is convenient for you and you asked me where I lived and I told you but insisted it wasn’t necessary multiple numerous times but you wanted to take me anyway maybe you wanted to extend your time with me as I did with you maybe you are just nice you asked me if we would see each other this weekend I said no I was going on vacation and I’m going on vacation the next three weekends which was a really sad realization for me because that meant that at least another month would go by without me seeing you even though you asked me to come to your class you were teaching now I definitely can’t go because I ruined everything but anyway that’s when it really hit me that you were just so busy and maybe that’s why we hadn’t been working out before but your responsibilities weren’t going to go and dissolve away and truthfully my schedule is full too but I was always willing to make room for you I don’t think you wanted the same with me and that’s okay although I’m ripped to pieces I know it’s not forever and so we finally got to my house seconds after we talked about how we couldn’t see each other this weekend and Wednesday wouldn’t work either because it was just too difficult and I really really realized I really wouldn’t be seeing you so in that moment I knew I wouldn’t be able to explain myself but didn’t have the heart to bring it up in the car I knew you were already late for work even though you wouldn’t admit it and had said it was okay if you were late because you were dropping me off and you didn’t mind and so then I just got up and left I’m not sure if I kissed you on the cheek goodbye I’m pretty sure I didn’t because I was afraid I would go a little to far to my right your left and end up where I wanted to be and now I realize it was probably pretty rude of me but I couldn’t have left the car faster and I didn’t look back as you drove away and now I’m crying again for the millionth umpteenth time today as I’m realizing I really don’t know the next time I’ll see you and I messed up so badly I’m sorry but I just had to tell you how I was feeling that dreadful cell phone text message I sent it was true it was all true and you deserved to know especially after you had asked me but I’m sure I’ll never hear from you again and at this point there’s not much for me to do than cry and I’m sorry even though I never really did do anything wrong my heart was pure and my intentions were good I don’t think I’ll ever understand this deep and profound confusion and existential semi-crisis I am in

– DandyLion


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